diff --git a/Plugin/unraid/Tools/api_cache_writer.php b/Plugin/unraid/Tools/api_cache_writer.php
index 10339d3..c79effe 100644
--- a/Plugin/unraid/Tools/api_cache_writer.php
+++ b/Plugin/unraid/Tools/api_cache_writer.php
@@ -147,5 +147,12 @@ vv_cache_write('monitor', $monitor);
 $arrs = vv_arrs_all();
 vv_cache_write('arrs', $arrs);
 
+// ── Watchdog payload ──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
+// Here for the same reason as the other two: vv_wd_all() SSHes to every partner, which cost 8.3s
+// on this host with HOST2 down, and the Watchdog tab polls every 30 seconds. Collected off the
+// request path it is paid once a minute by cron instead of by whoever has the tab open.
+require_once $_base . '/include/watchdog.php';
+vv_cache_write('watchdog', vv_wd_all());
+
 $elapsed = round((microtime(true) - $t) * 1000);
-echo "Cache written in {$elapsed}ms — monitor + arrs\n";
+echo "Cache written in {$elapsed}ms — monitor + arrs + watchdog\n";
diff --git a/Plugin/unraid/api/watchdog.php b/Plugin/unraid/api/watchdog.php
index b8bf731..042833a 100644
--- a/Plugin/unraid/api/watchdog.php
+++ b/Plugin/unraid/api/watchdog.php
@@ -33,15 +33,41 @@
 //   Remote collection degrades per node — one unreachable partner drops that node's card and
 //   leaves the local host and every other partner intact.
 //
+//   Served from cache, collected only on a miss.
+//       vv_wd_all() SSHes to every configured partner, so its cost is set by the slowest node
+//       rather than by how much data there is. Measured at 8.3s on this host with HOST2 down —
+//       paid by every visitor, every 30 seconds, because the tab polls. The cache check happens
+//       before the heavy include, so a hit costs one file read and no SSH at all.
+//
+//       The window is deliberately wider than the poll. Watchdog state only changes when the
+//       orchestrator runs, which is every 15 minutes; polling it every 30 seconds was never
+//       reading anything new, it was just re-paying for the same answer.
+//
 // REQUEST
-//   GET, no parameters
+//   GET             served from the 300s cache when one is present
+//   GET ?live       bypass the cache and collect everything fresh
 //
 // RESPONSE
 //   vv_wd_all() verbatim — per-node watchdog state plus the resolved threshold set
 //
 // DEPENDS ON
-//   include/watchdog.php   vv_wd_all()
+//   include/config.php          vv_cache_read()
+//   include/watchdog.php        vv_wd_all()   — required only on a miss
+//   Tools/api_cache_writer.php  writes the cache this endpoint normally serves
 // ═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════
 header('Content-Type: application/json');
+require_once dirname(__DIR__) . '/include/config.php';
+
+if (!isset($_GET['live'])) {
+    $_vv_cached = vv_cache_read('watchdog', 300);
+    if ($_vv_cached !== null) { echo json_encode($_vv_cached); exit; }
+    unset($_vv_cached);
+}
+
 require_once dirname(__DIR__) . '/include/watchdog.php';
-echo json_encode(vv_wd_all());
+$_vv_wd = vv_wd_all();
+// Written on the miss as well as by the background writer. Without this the first visitor after
+// a restart pays the full collection and so does the next one, until the writer's next minute
+// happens to land.
+vv_cache_write('watchdog', $_vv_wd);
+echo json_encode($_vv_wd);
diff --git a/Plugin/unraid/include/config.php b/Plugin/unraid/include/config.php
index b343bcb..09bdc86 100644
--- a/Plugin/unraid/include/config.php
+++ b/Plugin/unraid/include/config.php
@@ -648,9 +648,25 @@ function vv_format_uptime(int $seconds): string {
 // Parse a scalar value from raw conf text. Matches KEY="value" or KEY=value.
 // Identical logic was previously duplicated as vv_arr_scalar / vv_wd_scalar /
 // vv_fb_scalar / vv_media_conf_scalar — all reduce to this one regex.
+//
+// Trailing comments are stripped, which the single-regex version did not do. It captured to the
+// end of the line, so `FALLBACK_ENABLED=true   # HOST2 back online` parsed as the whole string
+// `true   # HOST2 back online`. Numeric readings survived that — (int) and (float) stop at the
+// first non-digit — which is why it went unnoticed: every threshold was right and every boolean
+// was wrong. `=== 'true'` was false for any commented var, and worse, `!== 'false'` was TRUE for
+// one, so a commented-out-to-off switch read as on. Roughly half of master.conf's toggles carry
+// an inline comment.
+//
+// The quoted forms are extracted before that, because inside quotes a # is data, not a comment —
+// a password or a colour would otherwise be truncated at the first hash. Unquoted, the comment
+// must be introduced by whitespace, matching bash: FOO=#fff and FOO=bar#baz both assign literally,
+// since # only opens a comment at the start of a word.
 function vv_parse_conf_scalar(string $raw, string $key): string {
-    return preg_match('/^\s*' . preg_quote($key, '/') . '\s*=\s*"?([^"\n]*)"?/m', $raw, $m)
-        ? trim($m[1]) : '';
+    if (!preg_match('/^\s*' . preg_quote($key, '/') . '\s*=\s*(.*)$/m', $raw, $m)) return '';
+    $v = ltrim($m[1]);
+    if (preg_match('/^"([^"\n]*)"/', $v, $q)) return $q[1];
+    if (preg_match("/^'([^'\n]*)'/", $v, $q)) return $q[1];
+    return trim(preg_replace('/\s+#.*$/', '', $v));
 }
 
 // Parse a key=value state file (e.g. fallback_state.db, partnership_state.db).
diff --git a/Plugin/unraid/include/watchdog.php b/Plugin/unraid/include/watchdog.php
index ad7cef2..2c36f99 100644
--- a/Plugin/unraid/include/watchdog.php
+++ b/Plugin/unraid/include/watchdog.php
@@ -56,6 +56,18 @@ require_once __DIR__ . '/partnership.php';
 
 // Watchdog tab data helpers
 
+// Rows in system_watchdog_state.db that are bookkeeping, not strikes. The file is a flat key/value
+// store shared by the counters and the watchdog's own liveness record, so the only thing separating
+// the two is knowing which is which — there is no marker in the format.
+//
+// watchdog_cycle is a unix timestamp, written every cycle by stability_watchdog.sh:883 for
+// docker_watchdog's stale-state guard. Published as a strike it reads as 1.7 billion of them.
+//
+// Add to this list, never to a shape test: a strike count and a timestamp are both positive
+// integers, and a threshold like "bigger than a billion means it is a clock" is a rule that works
+// until it doesn't and fails silently in the direction of hiding a real strike.
+const VV_WD_SYS_BOOKKEEPING = ['watchdog_cycle'];
+
 // ── Conf array parser (bash arrays) ──────────────────────────────────────────
 
 function vv_wd_bash_array(string $raw, string $varname): array {
@@ -213,11 +225,19 @@ function vv_wd_local_states(string $restartLogPath): array {
             $strikes[$k] = (int)$v;
     }
 
-    // Stability strikes: everything in sys state that isn't a flag key
+    // Stability strikes: everything in sys state that is actually a strike.
+    //
+    // The old guard was `!str_contains($k, '=')`, written on the belief that the bookkeeping rows
+    // in system_watchdog_state.db keep their `=` inside the key because the file mixes separators
+    // — `ram:0` and `sshd:0` beside `kernel_oops_count=0` and `watchdog_cycle=...`. They do not:
+    // vv_wd_parse_kv() splits on both, so the guard never matched anything and every bookkeeping
+    // row was published as a strike. watchdog_cycle is a unix timestamp written once per cycle by
+    // stability_watchdog.sh:883 as a liveness heartbeat, so the Stability card was drawing
+    // "watchdog cycle — 1786716931" next to a limit of 2.
     $sysStrikes = [];
     foreach ($sys as $k => $v) {
-        if (!str_contains($k, '=') && (int)$v > 0)
-            $sysStrikes[$k] = (int)$v;
+        if (in_array($k, VV_WD_SYS_BOOKKEEPING, true)) continue;
+        if ((int)$v > 0) $sysStrikes[$k] = (int)$v;
     }
 
     // Growth baseline info (container count + age in seconds)
@@ -322,9 +342,12 @@ function vv_wd_remote_data(string $ip, string $sshKey, string $restartLogPath):
         if ($k !== 'daemon_strikes' && $k !== 'daemon_restarted_flag' && (int)$v > 0)
             $strikes[$k] = (int)$v;
     }
+    // Same exclusion as the local path above — a partner's heartbeat is no more a strike than
+    // this host's. The two builders are maintained together.
     $sysStrikes = [];
     foreach ($sys as $k => $v) {
-        if (!str_contains($k, '=') && (int)$v > 0) $sysStrikes[$k] = (int)$v;
+        if (in_array($k, VV_WD_SYS_BOOKKEEPING, true)) continue;
+        if ((int)$v > 0) $sysStrikes[$k] = (int)$v;
     }
 
     $baselineCount  = (int)($hdr['BASELINECOUNT'] ?? 0);
@@ -420,6 +443,12 @@ function vv_wd_all(): array {
         'net_wd_enabled' => vv_wd_scalar($masterRaw, 'NETWORK_WATCHDOG_ENABLED') !== 'false',
         'npm_strike_lim' => (int)(vv_wd_scalar($masterRaw, 'NETWORK_WATCHDOG_NPM_STRIKE_LIMIT') ?: 2),
         'ts_check'       => vv_wd_scalar($masterRaw, 'NETWORK_WATCHDOG_CHECK_TAILSCALE') !== 'false',
+        // Conf cache watchdog. It has no state of its own to report because it writes none until
+        // it runs, and it does not run: conf_cache_watchdog.sh:145-146 exits on either of these
+        // being off. Both gates ship so the page can say "off, and here is which switch", rather
+        // than omit a member of SYSTEM_WATCHDOG_SCRIPTS entirely and let its absence read as fine.
+        'fallback_on'    => vv_wd_scalar($masterRaw, 'FALLBACK_ENABLED')   === 'true',
+        'conf_sync_on'   => vv_wd_scalar($masterRaw, 'CONF_SYNC_ENABLED')  !== 'false',
     ];
 
     // SSH key from current host conf
diff --git a/Plugin/unraid/pages/watchdog.php b/Plugin/unraid/pages/watchdog.php
index 8aef555..28e1194 100644
--- a/Plugin/unraid/pages/watchdog.php
+++ b/Plugin/unraid/pages/watchdog.php
@@ -270,6 +270,17 @@ function _systemCard(node, cfg) {
                  : sys.load1 > sys.cores * cfg.rw_load_soft ? '#ffb74d'
                  : '#4caf50';
 
+  // The fourth member of SYSTEM_WATCHDOG_SCRIPTS, and the only one with nothing to show: it keeps
+  // the persistent backup of the partner's conf current, and writes no state until it does. Drawn
+  // as its gate rather than left off the card, because a chain member that is simply missing from
+  // the page reads as one that is fine — the same reason an unreachable node here says so instead
+  // of rendering healthy. Names the switch, so "why is it off" does not need a hunt through conf.
+  const confCacheHtml = !cfg.fallback_on
+    ? '<span style="color:#555;">off — FALLBACK_ENABLED</span>'
+    : !cfg.conf_sync_on
+      ? '<span style="color:#7a6a20;">off — CONF_SYNC_ENABLED</span>'
+      : '<span style="color:#4caf50;">active</span>';
+
   const apiOnly   = sys.api_only === true;
   const daemonDot = sys.daemon_ok === null ? '#555' : sys.daemon_ok ? '#4caf50' : '#ef5350';
   const daemonTxt = sys.daemon_ok === null ? '—' : sys.daemon_ok ? 'daemon ok' : 'daemon err';
@@ -302,6 +313,7 @@ function _systemCard(node, cfg) {
     <div style="height:5px"></div>` : ''}
     ${_row('Uptime', sys.uptime ? _dur(sys.uptime) : '—')}
     ${_row('Docker', `<span style="color:${daemonDot}">${daemonTxt}</span>`)}
+    ${_row('Conf cache', confCacheHtml)}
     ${!apiOnly ? (sys.oom_count > 0 ? _row('OOM kills', `<span style="color:#ef5350">${sys.oom_count}</span>`) : _row('OOM kills', '<span style="color:#333">0</span>')) : ''}
     ${apiOnly ? `<div style="font-size:10px;color:#333;margin-top:6px;">Watchdog state unavailable — SSH not configured</div>` : ''}
   </div>`;