Probe every domain every minute, and keep it out of its own traffic numbers

NPM's access log only describes hosts somebody visited; the host most likely to be quietly broken
is the one nobody does. Probes carry a User-Agent npm_access_stats.sh drops — unmarked, this
monitor would be fifty thousand requests a day in the very logs it reports on.

Monitors/uptime_report.sh

@@ -0,0 +1,57 @@
+#!/bin/bash
+# ==============================================================================================
+# ================================== Uptime Report =============================================
+# ==============================================================================================
+#
+# PURPOSE
+# ─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
+# The weekly read of what Tools/uptime_probe.sh has been recording every minute: anything down
+# right now, and anything that was not perfect over the last seven days. Runs in the Sunday
+# Morning Coffee Report.
+#
+# Silent on a clean week. A report that always says something is a report nobody reads, so this
+# prints nothing and notifies nothing when every domain was 100%.
+#
+# ==============================================================================================
+# OPERATIONAL MODEL
+# ==============================================================================================
+#
+# uptime_probe.php --report exits 1 when it has something to say and 0 when it does not, so the
+# decision to notify is the exit code rather than this script parsing the text it just printed.
+#
+# ==============================================================================================
+# CONFIGURATION
+# ==============================================================================================
+#
+# UPTIME_PROBE_ENABLED   nothing here runs when the probe is switched off
+#
+# ==============================================================================================
+
+SCRIPT_DIR="$(cd "$(dirname "${BASH_SOURCE[0]}")" && pwd)"
+source "$SCRIPT_DIR/../load_config.sh"
+
+acquire_lock
+detect_hosts
+
+if [[ "${UPTIME_PROBE_ENABLED:-true}" == "false" ]]; then
+    log "$ICON_GEAR Uptime probe disabled — nothing to report"
+    exit 0
+fi
+
+REPORT="$(php "$SCRIPT_DIR/../Plugin/unraid/Tools/uptime_probe.php" --report 2>/dev/null)"
+RC=$?
+
+if [[ $RC -eq 0 || -z "$REPORT" ]]; then
+    echo "$ICON_DONE All monitored domains at 100% this week ✅"
+    exit 0
+fi
+
+echo "$REPORT"
+
+DOWN_COUNT=$(grep -c "DOWN" <<< "$REPORT" || true)
+if [[ "$DOWN_COUNT" -gt 0 ]]; then
+    notify "$DOWN_COUNT domain(s) currently unreachable on $(hostname)" "Uptime" "warning"
+else
+    notify "Some domains had downtime this week on $(hostname)" "Uptime" "normal"
+fi
+exit 0